Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
