I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize