we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
