im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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