I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
