got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
