then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
