Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
