It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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