remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize