I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
