that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
