david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
