party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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