You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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