They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
