I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
