i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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