the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
