why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
