I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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