I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
