I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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