Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
