Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this will be a night to untag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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