woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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