her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
