thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
