I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
