I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
