How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just google imaged poop.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
