I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i think i just lost a toe
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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