all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
