Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
