I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
