she woke up with a sticky ear
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize