Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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