Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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