HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
