I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
