I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
