Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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