i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
