if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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