Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
