I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
