my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
