She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just invented taco cereal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
