I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didn't notice because vodka
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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