I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
