Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
