Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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