I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
