I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
