2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize