My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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