Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even my farts smell like vagina
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
