I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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