i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
