Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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