Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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